How often in our lives do we blame others for something that happened to us? Didn’t get promotion – bad office politics. Failed at your job – didn’t get the needed support. Failed a test – the teacher didn’t explain the topic properly. The list can go on. It is much easier to blame others rather than take responsibility. But do we want to pass on this trait to our kids too?
If you are a parent of two or more kids, there are high chances that you are tired of hearing phrases like “But they started it”, “They hit me first”, “They took my stuff”. Hateful language such as ‘I hate you’, ‘Shut up’, and ‘I wish you were not my brother/sister’, comes naturally to kids when they start playing the blame game. As parents, it is our job to teach responsibility and constructive language to our children. Here’s how you can curb the blame game:
Maintain your cool
Often, children tend to shy away from telling the truth because they know their parents will overreact and shame them for their actions. Remain calm and composed, even if you disagree with their behaviour. Hear them out first before you react. Only after they are done, tell them why and how they are wrong in a non-judgmental way. When you keep your cool while correcting your kids, it helps them keep their focus on their own behaviour, rather than on your reaction.
Start calling out such behaviour
When you notice your kids making excuses to get out of something they did, call them out. Tell them it is not okay to blame others. Have clear conversations about what is okay and what is not. If you argue about the excuse, you’re simply encouraging your child to come up with bigger and better ones.
Teach them to take ownership
The aim behind curbing blame game is to help them take ownership of their own actions. If you think that your kids will fall out of this ‘habit’ as they grow up, you are wrong. Blaming others and shirking personal responsibility is a natural tendency in humans. These traits only worsen when not addressed. Parents need to clearly explain to their kids that taking responsibility for one’s feelings, attitudes and behaviours is not optional and that ownership is the only accepted way.
Balance of rewards and punishment
Consistent discipline is the best way to refine a child’s character. Make sure to reward your child when they take ownership and accept their mistakes. But when you notice them blaming others, a time out is the best solution. If the punishment of blame is greater than the weight of responsibility, you will see increased ownership from your children. Teach them the more responsibility they show, the more freedom they earn, and vice versa.
Teach them responsibility with Renaé
When you have the right tools and support, discarding harmful behaviour is as easy as deleting an app. With our SleepTalk Process and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) services, we, at Renaé, help you make changes in your child’s beliefs and behaviour. Based on leading scientific research, NLP and Hypnotherapy boosts capabilities by lowering our subconscious resistance to change. This programme will help your children change, rectify and enhance their deep-rooted perspective, making their subjective experience of the world more rewarding. Teach them how to be a leader and own up to their mistakes and responsibilities – connect with us today!